Mysterious Fashion Puzzle:

A was SOOOOOO sweet on Valentine’s Day – beautiful roses, romantic East side dinner at Blair’s, a vibrating card, but this dress….I can’t tell if it is the most hideous dress I’ve ever seen or so weird it could be cool…??? ((I happened to be wearing a cotton candy wig for my “lap dance” back at the ranch, so when we went to Blair’s, I was the most incognito hooker-type Silverlake’s ever seen!))

When he first walked in – candles everywhere, sexy music playing – I was in the wig, sparkling high heels and Parisian lingerie, strutting around the kitchen doing a strip tease. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw he had roses in one hand and a hanger with the most hideous thing I’d ever seen in the other. What was it?? A DRESS?? What small children in a factory in Malaysia had to prick their fingers for this? Who would even dream of such a monstrosity? I tried to avoid it was even happening. In mid lap dance, I threw it on the bed, hanger and all, and tried to pretend that I had just been having a nightmare. Then on the bed, heard the fabric ripppp.
After the dance, I couldn’t hurt his feelings. He was smiling so big and proud. I’ve been buying him clothes, cashmere sweaters, scarves, plaids for two years, so now it was his time.
I could picture him running around Santa Monica asking biddy shopkeepers what would make a flattering dress for a busty gal. So I had to try it on. At least it fit perfectly! (Though at first touch, the polyester ripped even more at the seam…) But I either look like a matron teacher from Middletown, America, an Armenian immigrant, or a Hasid from Williamsburg…I do appreciate the risk, though 🙂 He and I were both laughing at its strangeness. When I told him how flammable the polyester fabric was, he was guarding the frills from the candles and the stove!
What do you think?