Sometimes, a tight ass can be TOO good.

I went to the Twilight series at Santa Monica Pier last night. The beach was glorious, picnicking families aflutter and I sat near the shore, watching the ferris wheel light up, the sunset through the mists. Sigh. A perfect night. Then, odd…

I’d been watching these kids build sand castles for while, running back and forth to the water, gathering their wet sand. I’d been nostalgically smiling at the picturesque Rockwellian antics of kids and shovels, thinking of childhood days gone by, as the roller-coaster reminded me of Coney Island and raising my son in New York.

Up walked this 20-something woman in a sports bra and cut-off jean shorts. She started chatting up all these 6-7 year old kids who were with their sand castles.

I figured this woman was either one of the volleyball players or the kids’ babysitter. I thought, aw that’s cute, all that bonding. But then, moments later, she suddenly dropped her jean shorts and was in her booty thong. Her ass cheeks were popping out. I mean perfect, tanned, muscle-tight athletic ass.

She walked out to the waves. I thought: Wow, toooo sexy. I can’t be the only person moved by this. I looked behind me at the picnickers. I felt this buzzing and stirring of hot dads and less-than-hot moms, much like I imagine one would feel a Zombie presence behind you – zoned out, hypnotized, tense, fixated, arms straight out humming “I want to eat you.”

I felt like such a Puritan, like Judy Dench or Maggie Smith, wanting to hoot out “How inappropriate!” Kids=playing. Not: Kids play=sextus-interruptus.

I remember my first ass glimpse which either scarred or spurred me on a life of sexcapades, depending on how you look at it. I STILL can’t get the image out of my head. I was around 4, somewhere in the 70s. My parents had taken me to a drive-in to see “The Apple Dumpling Gang.” Apparently, you were supposed to leave after the kids’ movie, but my parents, not enthused by Don Knotts, I guess, fell asleep. I was jazzed up by the movie, as a 4-year-old should be, so I was jumping up and down in the back seat, as my parents snoozed on in the front seat. Then, the midnight showing of Ode to Billy Jack (some title like that) came on.

I remember as the naked woman walked out into the ocean, her butt cheeks. Like Jaws. I stopped mid-bounce and my jaw dropped. I was four.  That image, lodged in forever. I forgot all about The Apple Dumpling Gang.

So last night, I felt like shielding all those kids eyes. This was live porn! Or, was I being judgmental, masking my own turn-on. No, I was turned on. But having those kids there made me so uncomfortable, it was weird. Am I uptight? And she wouldn’t jump in fully. She stood there, ass at attention. I was wrestling with telling her that it was not cool to do that in front of budding kids, when a fully clothed biker chick ran up and dove in next to her. The ass-tight woman got used to water and dove in.

They never talked to each other. Played in the waves. The kids kept building their castles. I just watched.

Now what would Norman Rockwell paint from this?

I did go last night. More rockin girls than I thought it would be. The beach was glorious, though odd… there was this really amazing sexy girl in cut-off jean shorts playing with all these 6-7 year old kids and their sand castles. I thought she was either one of the volleyball players or their babysitter. I thought, aw that’s cute. But then, moments later, she took off her jean shorts and was in her booty thong. Her ass cheeks were popping out, perfect athletic ass, and I thought: Wow, toooo sexy. How inappropriate! I was wrestling with telling her that it was not cool to do that in front of budding kids, when a fully clothed biker chick dove in next to her. It was classic! They never talked or met. I just watched. Too funny.

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