I’m coddling my broken fifth left metarsal (don’t I sound like an athlete now?) endlessly drooling over the pantheon of gods we’ve been blessed with in these games. Obessed much? Yes. The underwater cameras mean I’m (in the pool) and wet right with them. The pantheon includes names with epic resonance: Ryan Lochte, Matt Grevers, Nathan Adrian to Frenchman who is so gorgeous I keep forgetting his name, what is in a name? he’s beyond the label of a mere name – he threw down signs on his catwalk to the pool…(Action: I look it up, ah, Camille Lacourt!) — Who needs to leave the house when you’ve got video replay?

But don’t worry, I’m not leaving the women out. Natalie’s Pantene hair commercial and Lola the Virgin (or so my son tells me she is) and her Fiona Apple look are divine as well. And all the tattoos to ogle! I’ve also been obsessed with Nastia’s face plant and Kerri Strug’s (remember her?) ankle breaking vault that won the gold against the pussy riot Russians back in 84. (Though I’ve learned in all this trivia divining:

1) She did not break, but badly sprained her ankle (which is good news for me since I haven’t been to the doctor’s yet)

2) The gold was already clinched and she didn’t even need to do the vault, thus underscoring American and machismo coach’s cruel propensities for making young girls suffer for no reason but their own agendas, political or other.

3) Strug still suffers from foot and ankle problems to this day.)

But forget about ankles. Boring. Shoulders, chests, arms, hands and abs and whatever-that-pelvic-indentation-right-above-the-suit-line-where-their-thumbs-pull – whatever that’s called – are much sexier. These are men. Tall men. Manly men. Hairless smooth otters, swim cap tossled hair hotties. I love the cameras zooming in on these Herculean dolphins, live flesh who breathe among us, specimen of health. The cameras eat them up, these buns of sons….sons? Yes, perfection has a Mother and she unlike her son is not hot, she could never bag the babe she bore, but boy, she raised one who owes everything to her and sweet mama’s boy that he is, thanks her over and over for her sacrfices. We’ve learned all this. And we love them more for loving their mothers.

Yes, while their mothers make uncouth and adorable comments about how her kid is into one night stands, about how she would marry the one who’s diapers she changed, it is a testament to out-there proud honesty. Mothers of gods, say what you will. Be proud of the fact that that hot jock shock the world is creaming over came out of your vaginas. Own it. It truly is a miracle.

 

Advertisements